Hopes for you, John
by kjcharmed
Summary: This is AU. Aeryn hopes that John can be happy even if she's not a part of his life.


After everything we had been through I'd have thought that you would have given up on the idea of her coming back. Ever since we first meet I knew that you would be the one, the person I would spend the rest of my life with. You filled me with emotions I never knew I had, you made me feel like I was capable of reaching the stars. I loved that feeling. But then you told me about her, I was devastated, but somehow I understood. From that moment all I could think of was you, us and her. Every time things were going good for us something in me would think of her. Who was she? Where is she now? These questions filled my mind constantly. Eventually though I began to think that she might never come back for you as you always thought she would, but instead that she never even existed. As each day pasted I began to believe it more and more. Soon our relationship was more than friendly and you started to loosen up and let me in. You began to tell me things that you thought you could never share, wonderful stories of space and the universe. They were hard to believe but you work was always a closely guarded secret and I was open to most ideas, so I guess they could have been true. With several years pasting by I became more confident that this woman you talked about would not come back or even better for me she didn't even exist.

When we moved in together I thought it would be a completely fresh start forgetting all that had happened especially the idea if this lover you thought would come for you. You however never gave up hope that she would return. Every night you would stand out on the balcony amidst the stars, searching for anything that might in fact be her. You would stand out there for at least an hour, no matter what it was like outside. You would then wonder back inside with that sad look upon your face. Looking at me then would make you shy, like you were sure that she would be coming that night, but once again you were wrong. You were always wrong. As the days progressed into months and then years, we grew closer still. But you still held something for her in heart, maybe it was all of your heart that you held open for her, and only a small piece for me. I was the one who was with you, who cared for you and loved you; she was no where to be seen. She left you and I took her place and I would never give that up.

You would try so hard to love me as you would love her, but sometimes it felt like you didn't really mean it. When you were holding me you seemed to be holding back, when you kissed me there was an element of passion missing and when we made love I knew that deep down inside you were thinking of her. She ruled you from where ever she was, you were under her spell and you didn't even try to break free. I knew that you cared for me, but you didn't love me, not like you loved her. She was the one you truly wanted not me, I was just all you had at the time. I was filling her place until she was ready to take it up again.

Then out of no where the day I thought would never arrived came when I least expected it. I stumbled upon a catalogue of wedding rings and some brochures to different holiday destinations. I couldn't believe my eyes, my heart skipped a beat. After all this time and all we had been through. At last you were going to make me yours. You were finally going to make me the happiest I would ever be, and ask me to marry you. I told myself to stay calm and not give it away that I knew, but it was so hard. The day I had waited for almost all of my life was actually going happen. I waited for hours for you to come home, it felt like forever. The seconds dragged by as I tried to busy myself with meaningless jobs. That night when you eventually got home, you opened the front door and smiled as you noticed me waiting for you. That may have been the first time you smiled and looked as though you were happy. We had the most wonderful dinner, gazing into each others eyes trying to read the other person's thoughts. After he led me upstairs to a bedroom filled with rose petals, beautiful red rose petals. They were scatter on the floor, the bed, everywhere. There were what looked like a million tiny candles dotted around the room too. I couldn't believe that he had gone to all that trouble for me. I smiled as I stepped into the bathroom to slip into something a bit more comfortable, I smiled as I looked at myself in the mirror. At last my life was going to be exactly how I had always dreamed it would. As walked back into the bedroom I caught you checking the box you held in your hands. I stepped closer towards you and you hid the box behind you. You looked gorgeous against the midnight sky, the stars surrounding you. You reached up, pushing your damp hair back, running your fingers through it making it stand up slightly. I put my arms around you and reached forward for a kiss. You accepted and kissed me harder than you had ever done before. I had a good feeling about this, I knew things would work themselves out in the end. You wrapped your arms around me, tightening your grasp as you picked me up and carried me over to the bed, never pulling back from the kiss. As you laid me down gently, running my fingers through your hair, I noticed the stars reflecting in you eyes. You smiled and you meant it, you were happy, happy with me. I smiled back and you reached down for another kiss.

I heard a noise from behind us and was startled when I saw someone standing on the balcony, a woman. My heart filled with fear and dread, this couldn't be happening, not now. I closed my eyes and prayed for it to be a dream, and that when I open them everything will be as beautiful as it was before. I opened my eyes slowly still praying, but I saw the woman standing there, with you. I didn't even feel you let go of me, I still felt your presence. You looked her in the eyes and from that moment I knew that my perfect dream of marrying you was lost forever. She had come back for you after all and she had chosen now to do so. I managed to stand up and you turned around, you looked at me, just stared into my eyes. I felt something then, like I knew what you were going to do, but that deep down inside you wanted something else. You walked towards me and took hold of my hands, forcing me to hold them out. You placed a velvet box inside them and kissed me lovingly. As I tried to read you, a tear fell from your perfect blue eyes and then from mine. It was like we both knew it wasn't meant to be and that this was the right thing to do. You then walked towards her, taking her by the shoulders, pulling her near. You both stepped out onto the balcony, surrounding by the stars. You looked at me one final time and then you were gone. I wandered out onto the balcony after you, but it was too late. You were gone. I looked upwards and saw a bright light in the sky. I felt the box in my hands and opened it. There sat a perfect diamond set in a perfect silver band, it shone like the night sky, like you. I placed in on my finger and it just felt right. My vision blurred as my eyes filled with tears, slowly they began to fall. Slowly the light began to fade away, but the diamond continued to shine. I touched it's surface, it felt like you. I looked up again:

"Yes John."


End file.
